She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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