her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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