Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
