obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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