census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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