All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
