Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
