2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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