Can i not drive my cunt home
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
