I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Someone signed my nipple.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
