The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
