Cold hands, warm shart.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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