12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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