And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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