I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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