We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
