halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
