4 words: hood of his car
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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