1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
