Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
