i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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