she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
