Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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