I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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