I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
