Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think i have herpe
just one?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
