Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
