I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
