PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize