i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
