if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
