yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
