GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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