The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
