You made me cry and you don't even care
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
