what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
