Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In other news, I just burned my penis
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
