Are we in a gay sports bar?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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