the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
