My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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