At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
