im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
