I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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