Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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