just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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