We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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