No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
