Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
