Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
