I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
