Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
