So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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