Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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