the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
