we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
