Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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