Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
