So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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