I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
