sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
