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sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize