my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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