I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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