Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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