they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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